Friday, February 15, 2013

Did I? Was I?

I just read a friend's blog post about valentine's day, and it included this:

and i will remember.  i will remember.  there were many years that i would have given almost everything to have this. and i imagine there will be moments that i will give almost everything to have it again.

I will admit, it brought stinging eyes, not quite tears, but a recognition. I remember those times, and they are few and far between now, and different.  Did I remember during those times how much I had wanted it before.  Was I able to be in the moment and enjoy it?  I hope so, but as I think back I'm afraid maybe I was too busy being stressed and unhappy about something trivial, in retrospect.  At the time, I'm sure it didn't seem trivial, whatever it was (messy house, bickering kids, not the "perfect" moment I'd been planning).
And now I am at that place where I would give almost anything to have it again.  I'm not unhappy with where my life is now, but I do miss my kids and their growing-up years.  As much as I may remember feeling stressed, etc. they were good years.

And now, it's lent.  I've given up evening snacks.  It's not so hard except at about 9:30 and only for a few minutes.  I've also given up being impatient with my loved ones.  That's the harder one, but I don't want it to be.  I want to remind myself about why I love them when I start feeling impatient or unhappy about something in our relationship. I do love them.

And, I've taken on exercising, again.  I've been riding the exercise bike in the basement, 9 of the last 14 days.  I was hoping it would give me more energy and make me less tired.  Not yet, but maybe still?

For valentines day, I made my family heart shaped cinnamon rolls. They were overnight rolls so I made them the night before and cooked them in the morning.  My college girls didn't get them til today.  Too busy!

My sweetheart made me a heart shaped popcorn ball.  Before we started dating, he worked at the desk at the men's dorm at our college.  He would use his popcorn popper and make popcorn balls and rice krispie treats.  My friends and I would go steal them (and visit with him).  That is when I started falling in love with him and his sense of humor :)  I'm glad he made it as a reminder.  (I've eaten part of the heart bump, it looked more like a heart when he gave it to me!

Spread love.