I am so bad at this

I don't know how long it's been since I posted here. A long time. Life is busy. I read a quote last night in the book I'm reading that struck a cord.

"Imagine you dream of the things you might become--maybe a doll maker or a singer or you just want to travel one way to another country and see what it's like to live there. And at some point, you notice years have gone by, years of spending your days doing these trivial things you aren't even interested in. And you wonder what happened to your dreams? What happened to the you who might have been?"

-- From "Up from the Blue" by Susan Henderson

It just made me think about life, and how fast it goes by, and wondering if you really get the things done that you wanted to, that you dreamed about when you were young.

I don't know the answer. I know that a lot of the things that have taken up my time are nothing I ever dreamed, but I love them, because they made me who I am now and they brought the people into my life that mean so much to me. And helped me appreciate the ones that were already here.

I turn 52 tomorrow. I thought of making a list of 52 things but that kind of overwhelms me right now.

I'm going to go out tonight and watch the meteor shower with my family. And tomorrow I'm doing a "painting" birthday party for a friend and her daughter, who is one of my students. I'm excited about that.

I read a blog post about a woman who, along with her children, did 35 random acts of kindness for her 35th birthday. If I'd have read it sooner I would have tried to do that. Maybe we'll do it another day.

I always used to say fall was my favorite season, and it is a beautiful season, but I've decided that it's melancholy. I don't know why, but it feels that way to me. I know when my grandma died it was fall. That was the first death that really hit me, as an adult, and made mortality real. Her funeral was on my birthday. I remember vividly the funeral home director telling us that she was a lovely corpse. Even in my grief I couldn't believe it. Do you really tell people that???? Seriously?

Random post, but at least I posted for a change!
Be well.

On reading and sexism

I pride myself in being a pretty tolerant person. While I have my days (just ask my family) when people of the world get on my nerves, most of the time, I accept people where they are. I'm not one that has prejudices against others just because they are different from me. And if I identify a prejudice that I am harboring, I try to change it in myself. That being said, I pretty much refuse to read books written by men. Oh, ocassionally I will read a book by the likes of Thomas Merton, but when I choose books to read for pleasure, they are exclusively by women. So much so that I won't even look at books by men. Another thing about how I choose books, though, is that I have to like the cover. You know that adage "don't judge a book by it's cover?" Not true, for me, when choosing reading material. Cover is important. I believe in not judging people by their "cover" aka first impressions, etc., but when it comes to books? Well, forget it. I am drawn to interesting book covers. By women. I did read a book by a man recently, and liked it immensely. Hotel at the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford. Doesn't that title just make you want to read it? And it has a pretty cover too. I'm thinking he must write like a woman.

Remembering

I was cleaning yesterday and came across a paper copy of the sharing I did during worship (I wouldn't call it a sermon, because, well . . . I just wouldn't), when I left my job at the church. It brought back such memories of my work there, the joys and challenges.
I loved that job, and the interactions I had with our church community and the larger community as well. I spent a lot of time on the phone and in person with people in need in our community, and it was a part of the job that was most challenging and most rewarding at the same time. Sometimes we couldn't help, and that was hard. I was often the one who had to say no. I remember vividly calling a woman back to tell her we couldn't help her. She was in a dire situation and I had cried along with her when she initially called. I took her plight to the pastors, even though I knew our funds had been depleted for the month. When I called her back to tell her we couldn't help, she thanked me. Thanked me, even though I was the bearer of bad news. She appreciated so much that I had taken the time to call back.
I was humbled by the appreciation expressed when giving out groceries. People were surprised when we said they could take what they needed from our grocery cupboards, no limits, just take what you need. I think people in need are so used to restrictions, that when there aren't any, it's such a nice surprise. Also, when we gave our garage sale "leftovers" to the women at the domestic violence safe-house. These were the things we didn't want and also the things no one who came to our garage sale wanted. The dregs, essentially. But these women were so thankful to have them. Most of them were starting over, and needed everything for their new homes. Very humbling.
My experiences in that job made me a better person. I hope as I get farther away from it I don't lose that growth. I hope I continue to be a light-bearer to those I meet. I know I'm not always, I can come up with many times just off the top of my head that I haven't been. But I hope more times than not I am. And I hope I can always see the light in those I meet. I pray for that.

Sending them out . . .pulling them closer (when I can)

This summer has been a series of sending my children out into the world, and pulling them close when I can. It's what you do all the years of parenting for, but it isn't easy.

Our oldest went to Texas/New Mexico for 5 weeks. I know we are spoiled by having her in college right up the street. It's not that we (the parental units, anyway) see her that often. But we, and she, know we are only 5 minutes away, should we need each other for some reason. Of course we need each other, but in case we need direct contact. Having her 16 hours away was a new experience for all of us. She was homesick and we missed her. But we all grew through the experience.

12 hours after her return, our middle daughter left on the train for a week in Pittsburgh with our youth group. She was surrounded by people who love and care for her, but she was still going out into the world without us. After sitting at the train station for 45 minutes or so, she said "why are you still here?". It was 3:30 AM by that time, so we said our good-byes and left. She will be home before we know it. I know that's true, but I still miss her already!

In both of these letting gos, I have held it together, no crying. That's not normal for me. I used to cry leaving them at camp. As hard as it is for me to believe I can hold it together, I think it must be a natural step in parenthood. If I continued to cry every time they left me, I would be a basketcase. But it's weird, for sure. A new normal, I guess, to not have all of my chicks under my wing, or at least nearby. I've had people tell me "you need to loosen the apron strings" or similar platitudes. They have no idea.

Sundays are a day of rest

Actually, most days this summer, so far, have been mostly days of rest. I guess it's time to buckle down and do something productive. At our family meeting last night, we set (assigned) weekly goals. I have to admit, I assigned weekly goals to the girls. I told them they could assign me a weekly goal too, if they wanted, but I assigned myself one as well. Next week, summer art classes start, then I cook at camp for a week, then more art classes . . . . I just know we will start being busy and get less done around the house.

I really love the change of pace that summer gives us. I feel spoiled by it, and am so thankful.
I've continued my creative endeavors, but I took yesterday off, so I decided that I might not do the creative stuff on Sundays. But I might. We'll see.

I don't think I've updated lately, though, in what I've created, so here you go. Friday we created food -- egg rolls and chicken fried rice -- which we'd never made before. It was yummy but time intensive. We'll do it again sometime and will get better at it as we go, I'm sure. I linked the names of what we cooked to the recipes in case you want to try them. I did change them up a bit, used chicken instead of pork for the egg rolls, added pea pods cut up and left out peppers and celery. But I mostly followed the directions!

Saturday I created polymer covered Christmas ornaments to sell at the auction at church, to support our youth's trip to Pennsylvania this summer.

Now, off to be productive, hopefully. Praying for motivation!

Zentangle Haikus BAM!

Better light for my previous project -- these colors are more true (thanks sun!).

Last night Emma & I did Zentangle Haikus, an idea that was inspired by this (thanks artsyville!). Zentangles explained here. Can you guess which ones are mine and which ones are Emma's?
Someone stole my pen!

One view of summer . . .
Someone has a birthday coming up (and needs some cash!)
Another view of summer . . .

Someone might say "bite me" a little more than they should . . .

BAM!

Day 1

Scrapbook paper cover for Ellie's violin book.

Day 2:

Polymer clay covered objects. I used Fimo -- the colors are not very true. I might try a new pic in natural light today. I made a Klimt cane with my extruder (my fave thing to do -- google it) and then covered an Altoids container and two glass bottles. I tried a new method -- rolling out a big flat piece and then laying slices of my cane on top and running the whole thing through the pasta machine again. I've been unhappy with how bumpy my objects turn out when laying the cane on in pieces and then pushing them together with my fingers. I did that method on the middle jar. I liked it, but I wasn't completely crazy about how it flattened and biggened the design. I may experiment with that more later. Post your creative activites and leave me a comment about them! BAM!